The Memento Syndrome

Most people who know me know that I have a serious memory and concentration problem. It is one of many reasons that my favorite movie of all time is Memento. I know I share this problem with millions all over the world, and if they have a club, I should join it. I can’t maintain concentration on a simple thought, especially those having to do with the mundane concerns of our daily lives, for more than a few minutes, tops. This is something I have to face every single day, to the annoyance of my parents, Sayaka, and many of my friends. This morning I left for school and in addition to the simple task of getting myself to school with at least some my possessions (left strategically in my backpack as much as possible) with me, I had to accomplish one other very formidable task: I had to mail a letter at the post office.

I had somehow managed to fill out a form related to my friend Glenn’s wedding, get it into an envelope and seal it. Then, in the space of less than 20 minutes, I had forgotten to take the envelope no less than three times. At first I left it on the desk. Then I left it on a desk a little closer to the apartment exit. Then I left it on my bed. I then went back again to get it and placed it directly next to the exit door where I put on my shoes. I am now writing this entry sitting on the 西武 line train heading for 高田馬場 station just after realizing that my envelope is not in my backpack and is still waiting for me right by the exit.

This is almost a daily occurrence. To give another very representative example, back in November I had to mail some PhD applications off (or parts of them which couldn’t be submitted online). Forms had to be filled out, then they had to be put in envelopes and then mailed. One day, I got all the materials I wanted to send and put them by the door. All I had to do was to bring them with me, buy a few envelopes, and take the materials to the post office to mail them. That was the only task I had planned to accomplish for the whole day. Not only did I not bring the materials with me but I got all the way to the building with the 無印 stationary store and then stopping outside the entrance to ponder in Memento fashion, “Why am I here?” Since I had no tattoos to refer to, I concluded that, If I was me, I probably come here to do grocery shopping. I proceeded to the grocery store in the basement, bought lots of groceries and began my trip home. I then passed the post office. Something began scratching at the back of my mind. There was something important about that post office. Something, perhaps, I was supposed to send. I couldn’t quite get it until I returned to my apartment, groceries in hand, opened the door, and found laying right there in the middle of my genkan hallway, a pile of Phd application forms.

This is why, whenever I have some simple task like this to accomplish, I feel just like the main character of Memento after he got into an argument with the character Natalie and she tells him that she will leave the house, come back in just a few minutes when he has completely forgotten what they had, indeed, that they had, been in a heated argument. I hear myself echoing his words as I run around the room, “Ok, must concentrate, must keep it in my mind. Must…not…forget. Quick, a pencil, a pen, anything, must….write…this…down…”